Mission Accomplished

On the fourth anniversary of Bush's triumphant landing on the USS Lincoln and delivery of his victory speech in front of the "Mission Accomplished" sign, many argued over the true intent of the message. However, it's impossible to argue that it meant anything other than the "end of major military operations". Bush supporters have comically danced around the issue, trying to sell the administration's line that it was merely meant to mark a historic milestone for the USS Lincoln as the ship concluded a record number of days at sea. I love that one.

That sign doesn't go up behind the President of the United States without him and his people authorizing it. To think otherwise is to be completely blind to reality. Furthermore, it fits with everything we know about the administration. They were concerned with one thing and one thing only...defeating Saddam's military. There was absolutely no thought given to post-war Iraq. That "Mission Accomplished" message was heralded by all supporters to anyone who would listen. FOX could barely contain itself. The idea that it was an accident or coincidence is laughable.

Bush to Veto Hate Crimes Legislation?

The House and Senate, with strong support from Republican legislators, look set to pass legislation that would include gender and sexual orientation under hate crimes laws. In his infinite wisdom, Bush has decided this would be worthy of one of the very few vetoes he has ever wielded. With your presidency falling apart under the weight of Iraq and a variety of scandals, why oppose something that is designed to protect a group that is indisputably the object of a great deal of hatred while imposing upon no one? Idiot! Where are his handlers? Who let him off his leash?

Conservatives rolled out their spokesmen though in some feeble attempt to explain why homosexuals should not be protected. "Dr." James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family and expert bigot, has seen through the maniacal, subversive, anti-Christian liberal propaganda machine, arguing that the true intent of the bill is "to muzzle people of faith who dare to express their moral and biblical concerns about homosexuality." The way he reads it, "you may be guilty of committing a 'thought crime.'" Huh?! It is always so difficult for me to believe that idiots like this exist, and that thousands of other idiots nod their heads without ever questioning.

Texas Legislature to Block Cervical Cancer Treatment

Just when you think Texas will rise from the stigma of ignorant, religious-based legislating, it reaffirms itself as a dominant Bible belt state. Gov. Perry's measure to require all sixth grade girls to receive a cervical cancer vaccine was admirable, but maybe too forward thinking for a state where a large block of residents believe such measures promote promiscuity. Admittedly, I too was afraid administrators might pass out leaflets promoting the sexual advantages of getting the shot. I had visions of thousands of sixth grade girls roaming the streets savagely looking for sexual conquest upon sexual conquest.

What's more, I'm sure every opponent of the shot is also a card-carrying member of the pro-life movement. So basically they're willing to risk their daughters dying of cervical cancer in the futile effort to protect their virginity? This is just too damn stupid.

Caffeinated Soap

Scientists in London have created a caffeine-infused soap, with "the stimulant absorbed naturally through the skin". The soap delivers the equivalent of two cups of coffee each wash.

This is surely the work of the devil. There is nothing natural about forcing your skin to absorb two cups of coffee each day.

Fair and Balanced Moment of the Day

As the VA Tech shooting turns from mourning to questions of prevention, FOXNEWS.com had these tidbits of supreme journalism to share:

"Was Cho Seung-Hui Possessed by the Devil?"
"How to Spot a Psycho on College Campuses"

The answer to both of the above can be solved by forcing all students, regardless of creed, to carry a Bible, cross, and gun at all times. If the power and love of Jesus Christ is not enough to stop Satan, then surely tens of thousands of armed students with guns will do the trick.

The $400 Haircut

FEC filings reveal that Edwards has spent some of his campaign contributions on two $400 haircuts, thus strengthening the perception that Edwards' number one concern is a perfect head of hair. If I had donated to his campaign, I would be furious at the thought of my money paying for a service that has got to involve something extramarital. Beyond that, I would raise the question, "If this is how he spends my money now, how will he spend all of our money once in office"? I'd love to make a crack here about Democrats and fiscal spending but Bush has kinda ruined that.

Oregon Passes Bill of Gay Rights

The Oregon House passed a bill yesterday that would allow gays the same benefits as married couples and would protect them from discrimination. The Senate is expected to approve the bill and Gov. Kulongoski plans to sign. This would place Oregon among only 17 other states that protect gays from discrimination. Regardless of what anyone believes about gay marriage, it is impossible to argue that homosexuals are not discriminated against. The fact that this issue stirs such intense debate is itself evidence of strong anti-homosexual feelings in this country.

I am not an advocate of gay marriage, but I do believe that when we live in country that is so blatantly hypocritical on the issue of marriage we should grant a very devoted, loving gay couple the same benefits as a cheating straight couple in an acrimonious relationship. It's next to impossible to cry out for the sanctity of marriage when we have a 50% divorce rate and think it's cute when Brittany gets married and divorced within a 24 hour period. The bill is a step in the right direction.